Feeling Stressed? It's Not Just What Happens, It's How You See It.
Do you ever feel like your stress levels are through the roof, even over small things? One moment you're fine, and the next, your heart is pounding because of an unexpected email or a thought that just won't go away.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know you’re not alone. And the key to understanding it is surprisingly ancient. Nearly two thousand years ago, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said:
"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them."
This simple idea is one of the most powerful truths about our mental well-being. It’s not the event itself, but the story we tell ourselves about it, that causes our distress. Let's look at the two simple questions your brain asks that create this story.
Question 1: "Is this a threat?"
When something happens, the very first thing your mind does is decide if it's a danger.
Think about it: You're about to leave the house and you spill coffee on your shirt.
The "Threat" story: Your brain might scream, "This is a disaster! I'm so clumsy. My whole day is ruined now, everyone will think I'm a mess." This story turns a simple accident into a personal attack on your character, and your stress levels spike.
The "Challenge" story: Your brain could also say, "Annoying! Okay, deep breath. How can I fix this quickly? It's just a spill, not a big deal." This story turns the accident into a small, manageable problem.
Question 2: "Can I handle this?"
Right after the first question, your mind asks another: "Do I have what it takes to deal with this?"
Let’s stick with the coffee spill:
Following the "Threat" story: Your mind answers, "I can't cope with anything today. I'm useless." You feel helpless and overwhelmed.
Following the "Challenge" story: Your mind answers, "I can handle this. I'll just change my shirt. I've dealt with way worse things than this." You feel capable and in control.
Ancient Wisdom, Modern Psychology
That idea from Epictetus isn't just an old philosophy; it's the bedrock of one of the most effective and well-researched forms of modern therapy: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
The entire goal of CBT is built on his insight. It teaches you how to identify the unhelpful "views" or automatic thoughts that cause you distress. A therapist can help you learn to pause, examine the story you’re telling yourself, and find a more balanced and realistic perspective. It’s a practical approach that gives you the tools to challenge those internal narratives that are no longer serving you.
When the "Threat" Story Is All You Hear
For many of us, that "threat" response is automatic and relentless. It might be a pattern you learned a long time ago. Trying to change it on your own can feel like trying to stop a tidal wave.
If you read this and feel like you're constantly stuck in that first, negative story—if that critical inner voice is just too loud and feels impossible to argue with—that is a heavy burden to carry alone.
This is where professional help can be life-changing.
Seeking out counselling isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of incredible strength. It's saying, "I deserve to feel better, and I'm ready to learn how." A good counsellor, especially one trained in an approach like CBT, won't just listen; they will give you proven, practical tools to help you notice this pattern and build new, kinder ones.
You don't have to live with that constant feeling of being under threat. If you feel stuck, please consider reaching out to a qualified professional here in Hampton in Arden or the surrounding area. It could be the kindest and most powerful thing you ever do for yourself.
You have the capacity to feel calm and in control. It all starts with understanding that first story, and sometimes, we just need a little help learning how to tell a different one.